How to Step Out of The Rat Race of Pursuing Health & Happiness

Ever feel completely overwhelmed by everything you’re told to do to be "Healthy & Happy?"

It's quite a long list:

• Meditate

• Exercise

• Healthy eating (whatever that means at any moment)

• Stay positive

• Avoid stress

• Be grateful

• Get annual check-ups

• Stretch or do yoga

• Time off from work

• Save money for retirement

• Take supplements and vitamins

• Get good sleep

Not to mention, that if you are able to pull all this off, the payoff isn't what it’s promised to be.

My wife and I were completely dedicated to this "Health & Happiness" model for many years.

The results of pursuing and living the Health & Happiness Model were:

• 5 orthopedic surgeries

• Medications for joint pain, depression, anxiety, and birth control

• Feeling disconnected from ourselves and each other

• Numbed out, full of self-doubt, and a sense of emptiness

During this time, we were also offered:

• More orthopedic surgeries

• Hysterectomies

• Medications for high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, & low testosterone

It's terrifying to think where we’d be if we continued to follow the model of Health and Happiness.

We would most likely be numbed out with drugs and completely disconnected from ourselves, all because the pain of being connected to ourselves would be too much to handle.

After educating, experiencing, studying, obsessing, teaching, and coaching individuals for over 25 years, one thing has been made abundantly clear:

The pursuit of health and happiness is the very thing preventing you from living your best life.

Let's start by breaking down the concepts of "Health" and "Happiness."

Health is defined as the absence of disease and illness.

Happiness is a feeling or showing of pleasure.

And this is EXACTLY what the health and happiness pursuit can deliver:

1. Keeping you alive - surviving

2. Creating moments of feeling good

Is that all you want out of life?!?!

There is SO much wrong with this model. It’s mind-boggling that we as a society have fallen hook line and sinker for it.

The 3 Mazes in the Health & Happiness Rat Race

The Health and Happiness Model will NEVER address the root cause of your pain.

It will, however, keep you busier than ever striving to keep your head above water.

Here’s a breakdown of the 3 mazes within the rat race.

Maze #1: Physical Health Rat Race

• Do artificial movements that create injuries in an indoor facility

• Once you injure yourself, go get treated by the same paradigm and system that created the injury to begin with

• When that doesn’t work, take medication, get injections, or have a surgery

Maze #2: Mental Health Rat Race

• Create your happiness

• Avoid stressful things

• Meditate

• Acknowledge your feelings, feel them, and then let them go

• “Daily gratitude” practice

• Focus on positivity

• Regular exercise

• When this doesn’t work, take medication

Maze #3: Systemic Health Rat Race

• Eat low-calories, no sugar, no fat, no salt & fake protein

• Get periodic blood tests to measure if you’re within “healthy” ranges

• Take medications to get you back in the predetermined “healthy” range

• Make sure to take an exorbitant amount of supplements because you’re malnourished by the “health foods”

• If that doesn’t work, get IVs of nutrients

“But Matt, what about the Holistic Approach?"

I don't see this as any different. It’s just another industry that’s been created to treat the symptoms:

• Taking arnica instead of Advil for the headache you have because you hate your job and haven't slept in years

• Getting acupuncture instead of a cortisone injection for a shoulder injury you developed by doing too many presses in the gym

• Learning to meditate instead of taking Xanax to manage the anxiety and overwhelm you feel when you’re in toxic environments

Although these may be better ways to treat the symptoms, it’s still not addressing the cause—you are still in the rat race of chasing health and happiness.

A World Built for the Health & Happiness Model

Imagine a world that has harmful chemicals in the air and forces you to do things all day that you aren’t really interested in doing.

Predictably, this creates a myriad of symptoms and problems. Instead of addressing the underlying cause, you create an entire system to mitigate the symptoms and allow people to survive in it: The Health and Medical Model.

Here is how it would play out:

Phase I: Indications That Something Is Off

Because you are in a toxic environment, your body tends to be stressed. Your nervous system is in full flight or fight mode because it senses non-optimal and potentially dangerous conditions. These communications manifest in a variety of symptoms like difficulties sleeping and anxiety.

Phase II: Health & Happiness Model to the Rescue.

You know these symptoms are an indication that something is wrong and that you want to feel better.

You begin educating yourself on how to live a healthy and happy life. You learn quickly that you need to manage your anxiety and avoid stress. You find lists of things that will help you do this:

1. Meditating to get your mind to either not think, accept, or reframe the fact that you are in a toxic environment.

2. Exercising by doing artificial movements that were made up and that your body was never designed to do.

3. Eating healthy by choosing low carb, low fat, low sugar, and low salt. Essentially, eat foods that humans haven’t been eating for 99% of their existence.

Phase III: Feel Good That You’re Actually Doing It, But…

You are now eating “healthy salads” all day that have no calories, you’ve increased your exercise, and do your meditation every day.

Unfortunately, this stresses the system even more, because the underlying causes are still not addressed. This manifests into physical aches and pains and a sense that there may be something wrong with you.

Phase IV: Holistic Health & Wellness Practitioners

You begin to engage with more health practitioners.

You engage with a variety of them: chiropractors, acupuncture, physical therapy, yoga teachers, and massage therapists. Each gives you their take on your problem—many conflicting with one another—but you do your best to listen.

At this point, you’re getting an adjustment once a week, taking a myriad of supplements and herbs, going to yoga class, and trying to squeeze in that breathing practice.

Phase V: Enter Traditional Medicine

Despite all this time, money, and effort spent, you don't feel much better.

You decide to give in and start going to medical professionals. They run a variety of tests and find that you have many issues. Many of the numbers in your blood work are out of "healthy" ranges, and they’re seeing some suspicious things on your scans. They prescribe a series of medications and perform some minor procedures. You are now able to live with your ailments a little bit easier.

During this entire process, you are sold things that entertain and distract you from your ailments.

Some of the more popular ones are alcohol, video games, porn, addictive fake foods, TV series, and online shopping.

You’re also periodically offered weekend seminars and retreats to break free from these addictions you have. Going to these "transformational weekends" to get your life "back on track," or better yet, give you more tolerance to get back in the rat race.

Phase VI: Desperation & The Heisenberg Option

Unfortunately, you get to a place where you develop a serious disease despite your efforts.

Lucky for you, the disease you have is one that the medical system profits from, so there is a treatment for you. It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, sending you into tremendous debt (unless, of course, you’re a brilliant chemist stuck as a high school teacher who partners with their local fast food restaurant and starts a Methamphetamine business to cover your medical expenses).

I know you may think of this as a very cynical way to look at things, but I'm afraid to say it's very real for many people.

I have witnessed versions of this scenario play out for the last 25 years.

Victims of the Health and Happiness Rat Race

Here are some very real clients I’ve worked with in the last 6 months in my Movement Therapy and Coaching Practice:

A young high school lacrosse player came to see me with her mom. They were at the end of their rope, both desperate for some answers and guidance. She had suffered a foot injury four months prior. When she came to see me, they were already $10-$15,000 into the rat race health model with ZERO results. Not only did she not feel one bit better, nobody could tell her what was wrong.

A videographer came to see me after having three years of elbow pain. After three years of being in the rat race, he had three cortisone injections that produced no net improvement. After turning down a "necessary surgical repair," they offered a fourth cortisone shot!

Insert Sensitive Young Adult Name, who came to see me for overwhelm, anxiety, and depression. All of which were actually proper communications from their body that something was off. In many similar cases, these individuals are stuck in a school system that forces them into a one-size-fits-all learning and life track. They also had well-intentioned parents who unfortunately were stuck in the rat race and trying to keep their heads above water. Most, if not all of them, are told to take medication for ADHD or some other "disorder" they have.

Insert 40-year Adult Name, essentially the parents of the young adults suffering the same reality. Many in a job they don’t really enjoy, forced to deal with narcissistic colleagues and unreasonable clients. Rarely has the time to eat a home-cooked meal, feels lethargic, has low libido, and is overweight. Recent blood test shows they have high cholesterol and their A1C is off, so they’re put on medication. They have also received a "low dose" anti-depressant to take off the edge.

Insert successful corporate executive Name, coming to me for help with their failing marriage. They have been grinding away, putting in 80-hour weeks for 30 years. Earning a multiple-figure salary but realize they’ve sacrificed their family and health. Work is stressful, but they can’t step away because the company keeps incentivizing them to stay by offering future financial rewards. Their company also provides them with the BEST healthcare plan, gym memberships, & meditation apps. They also have a place at work for long walks during the day for their “walking meetings.”

It’s Time to Start Playing a New Game: Vitality & Fulfillment

I'd like to invite you to run a different race.

This new race isn't easy and requires persistence, dedication, hard work, and resilience. But instead of all these resources creating exhaustion, emptiness, and illness, this race will leave you feeling complete and whole.

Stop playing the “Health and Happiness” game—start playing the “Vitality & Fulfillment” game.

So what is the difference?

The Health & Happiness game is the never-ending race to the "next destination," hoping that it will be the one that finally brings satisfaction and fulfillment. It’s a game of empty promises & survival.

Vitality & Fulfillment is the game of self-discovery.

It’s about staying connected to yourself, discovering and honoring who you are, and authentically living your life so you can share it with the world.

I’ve been working with individuals for 25 years, doing my best to help them tap into the courage to step out of the rat race of pursuing health and happiness. My goal is to empower them with the tools to take on the pursuit of Vitality & Fulfillment—or, at the very least, move in that direction.

Here are some of the basic principles & rules for playing the Vitality & Fulfillment Game:

Rule #1: Getting Connected to Your Authentic Self

This is by far the most important step.

You cannot live YOUR life if you aren’t connected to yourself. Not only is living YOUR best life not possible but if you’re disconnected from what you’re feeling and sensing inside, you will be dysregulated.

Being connected to yourself is biologically essential for survival.

It allows us to sense danger and take necessary action to avoid pain. Therefore, our nervous system is HARD WIRED to send us signals when we’re disconnected. These signals are uncomfortable and are meant to get our attention so we can reconnect.

Most people who come to me for coaching are coming to me because they want to fix a particular pain point.

When I ask them what they want to create, all they can tell me is what they don't want. The focus is on what doesn't make them happy and how they’re unhealthy. This is the first sign that they’re stuck in the rat race of the survival game of "Health & Happiness."

Becoming aware of what you want to create in your life requires the ability to sit with yourself long enough to explore the question, “What do you want to create?”

Most people can't even sit with themselves long enough to begin that process because they find it too uncomfortable. That, by the way, is the second sign that you’re in the rat race of "Health and Happiness." It’s within this discomfort that the "Health & Happiness" model gives you tools to distract yourself and stay disconnected.

Such tools include meditation, feeling, and "letting go" of emotions or going to exercise. None of these things will give you the capacity to navigate the discomfort. They’re tools that enable you to avoid the discomfort.

Part of getting in touch with your authentic self is being able to sit and be present with you. A process that can be very uncomfortable, but one you MUST develop the skills to navigate.

Rule #2: Align Your Lifestyle WITH Your Biology

The "Health & Happiness" Model works against your biology. It encourages you to engage in inauthentic modalities and strategies that you build dependency on, such as:

Physical Model of Vitality & Fulfillment

"Exercise," as you know it, is all made-up movements that were rooted in cadaveric anatomy. That means we studied the muscles of a dead person and created ways to train them (the issue being, of course, that we’re not dead). Therefore, almost every exercise you see someone doing in a gym will never be done outside of a gym.

Traditional exercises are rigid, segmented, and fixed, which is exactly why they cause many injuries.

Learning how to MOVE the body is the game of Vitality & Fulfillment. I have rehabbed more injuries just by teaching people how to move.

Remember the young lacrosse player who got no results after spending $10-$15K with various health and medical professionals? In ONE session, I showed her how to move more efficiently through the body, and she left my office walking without pain.

She and her mom were so shocked, they both started crying.

Systemic Model of Vitality & Fulfillment

"Healthy Eating" is another wickedly complex endeavor.

There are about a million different opinions on what this even means. When did eating become so complicated?!

Keto, paleo, vegan, no carb, low carb, no dairy, no gluten, fasting, and so on. Most of these approaches are hard to sustain because they are not aligned with our biology. They are temporary strategies to troubleshoot your problems—low energy, being overweight, inflammation, etc.

Here is the way to eat for Vitality & Fulfillment… EAT REAL FOOD!

If you follow this simple rule, you’ll eliminate 95% of the food supply. If it isn't a fruit, vegetable, or a high-quality animal product, then it’s not real food.

Mental Model of Vitality & Fulfillment

"Mental Health" is probably the most destructive component of the "Health & Happiness" model. It creates the opposite of Rule #1 of Vitality & Fulfillment—it disconnects you from yourself.

If you are disconnected from yourself, you cannot be fulfilled. Fulfillment is relative to YOU and must be discovered as you discover who you are. This can only happen when you are fully present and connected with yourself.

The current Mental Health model doesn't teach you how to navigate the discomfort that you have when connected to yourself. Instead, it gives you a way to live with it or numb it.

This model even goes as far as to gaslight you by convincing you that the responses you’re having to toxic situations and environments are a disorder!

Top 3 Ways to Work Against Your Biology:

1. Focus on Being Happy & Grateful

2. Feel Your Emotions & Let Them Go

3. Avoid & Manage Stress

Top 3 Ways to Realign with Your Biology:

1. Focus on Meaning & Purpose

2. Listen to & Integrate Emotional Communication

3. Leverage & Align with Stress

It can be a big lift to align your lifestyle with Meaning and Vitality. In the beginning, you may feel alone and crazy for doing it 90% of the time.

However, people are slowly discovering that the default path of pursuing health and happiness is seriously flawed.

The younger generations are flat-out not engaging in it. Gen-Z and the millennials are labeled as entitled and lazy for not opting into a system that doesn’t work or make sense. Many companies have had to change their entire culture to make it more appealing to these generations.

Do you want the Red Pill or the Blue Pill?

At the end of the day, you have two choices:

• Health & Happiness: Continue the rat race, forever chasing an ideal that can never be satisfied. Follow the models that keep you injured, sick, and unwell.

• Vitality & Fulfillment: Pursue the principles that lead to the creation of a life you find most fulfilling, realign with your biology, and reconnect with yourself—the way you were meant to live.

It’s never too late.

It all starts with spending time with yourself and developing a deeper sense of who YOU are and beginning to honor that.

Here are two ways you can begin doing this:

Activity #1: MES Journaling:

Journal every morning, evening, and when stressed.

Write down everything you are feeling, thinking, and sensing. Don’t judge any of it; get it out of your head so you can honor where YOU are. It can be super uncomfortable, and that’s okay. Being connected to yourself means being connected to your inner experience, which can sometimes be uncomfortable.

Whatever is there is a communication from YOU that is essential to acknowledge.

Being disconnected from yourself is very dysregulating and activates your nervous system into a fight or flight state—for many people, this is a low-level “buzz” of anxiety or hyperactivity they experience every day and have accepted as normal. Usually, this is partnered with an inability to sit still and do nothing.

Do the MES Journaling for 30 straight days and you will notice a difference in your Nervous System.

Activity #2: Start a Curiosity List

Make a list of at least 25 things you are curious about.

Things that interest you, things you’d like to learn, experience, etc. As you create this list, start to create time in your day to explore them. It can be as little as 10-20 minutes a day.

Identifying and honoring your curiosities is a pathway back to YOU.

Its time to start living the life you came here to live.

Yours in vitality,

Matt