How to Set Up Yourself & Your Children for a Fulfilling Life

Bronnie Ware, the author of the international bestselling memoir, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying," noted the most common regret people had at the end of their lives was:

Doing too many things people expected them to do and not staying "true to themselves."

The default path that we have been force-fed, and that we are force-feeding our children today, is leading us to this very moment of regret.

If we are not TRUE to ourselves, our calling, and do not pursue what is innately meaningful, we become part of the Walking Dead—going through the motions of life, moving from one obligation to the next, and counting down the days and hours to the next cocktail or vacation.

The craziest thing about it is that you KNOW this!

And you aren't the only one.

How Do We Define Success?

In 2019, 97% of Americans surveyed agreed with the following statement when it came to how they would define success:

When the same individuals were asked how they think others define success, only 8% gave the same answer.

92% of them believed that other people defined success as follows:

How could there be such a massive disconnect between what we intuitively know to be true and what we perceive everyone else to believe is true about success?

It's almost like we've been brainwashed!

But where is this coming from, and how do we break this cycle?

In this article, I'll share with you how this is happening and what you'll be able to do about it. My goal is to show you how to break yourself free from the Walking Dead and, more importantly, how we can save our future generations from suffering the same fate.

The Default Path & Why It Is Outdated

The default path is the standard success formula that I’m sure you’re already familiar with:

1. Get good grades.

2. Go to a good college.

3. Get a good job—ideally, a tracked career.

The prevailing ideology is that a tracked career is ideal for living a great life.

The indoctrination of this very idea was born after World War II. The period after World War II in the United States was a time of unprecedented economic expansion. It’s a period referred to as the "long boom,” when the baby boomers thrived.

Annual GDP growth rates of 4-5% a year were the norm. Compare that to a yearly increase of 2% over the last 20 years. This is when seeking a "good job" with a great company was the cornerstone of a "good life." At the time, it wouldn’t have made sense to opt out of the default path.

It was also the first time in history that 2nd generations were surpassing the wealth and resources of their parents.

Peter Thiel, former CEO of Paypal (who recently made the news by offering students $100,000 to skip college) shares in his book:

American investor and venture capitalist Jim O'Shaughnessy believes his generation’s mistake was this path would work for future generations:

The idea of work ethic and work being the most critical aspect of life came out of a 35-year blip in the timeline.

As Peter Millerd states in his incredible book, "The Pathless Path," (an absolute must-read by the way):

Our Poor Relationship With Work

The Greek translation of work is "not at leisure." Aristotle said,

We have completely turned this on its head. We work all year to have two weeks of leisure as a break.

This break is now associated with idleness, drinking, and escaping from our lives!

This also manifests every week. We have a whole framework to help us get through our week:

• It's common to have a "case of the Mondays."

• Tuesdays suck

• Wednesday is "hump day."

• Thursday is almost the weekend!

• TGIF! Get out early and hit that Happy Hour!

We are wishing our lives away and numbing ourselves from the pain we endure living it! All in the name of “good jobs” and “security.”

Can we not have those things without being miserable?!?

Opting Out of the Default Path of Success

I officially opted out of the default path of success 24 years ago.

I went the traditional route of school and college. I always resisted the tracked career path, but I was often tempted to jump back in when I struggled to create my own. On two occasions in my 20s, I was registered for Physical Therapy School and Chiropractic School.

I opted out of both in the midnight hour—in the case of Chiropractic school, only a few weeks before it started.

I thank God every day that I was connected enough to my true self in those moments. I dared to trust myself, knowing that I needed to continue searching for the path that made sense.

Fast forward to today, I’m now reaping the benefits of creating my path and living MY best life.

Just When You Think You Aren't Brainwashed…

Today, I've been married for 22 years and have two exceptional children.

My wife and I agreed that we had ONE non-negotiable desire for our children regarding school. We wanted our two children to LOVE learning. We vowed that if the school system ever tarnished their love for learning, we'd homeschool them.

My son was one of those kids who not only loved to learn but also had a knack for school.

By age 15, he was on track to graduate from university with straight As. He got into an elite STEM-focused program partnered with some of the top research facilities in the world. On top of all this, it was a COMPLETELY FREE college education.

We were so proud of him and thought it could set him up for a successful future.

So things got interesting when he came to me and said he had no interest in the program and wasn't happy.

He shared that after going all-in for a semester, he was super clear he had no interest in pursuing the sciences as a career. He found it all interesting but didn't consider it his vocation.

Then, he shared that he felt guilty and ungrateful for even saying this to me because of the opportunity. The only reason why he would stay is because everyone tells him how fortunate he is. He also admitted that it would be hard to leave because of how much praise he gets for being in it.

I was floored by his authenticity, transparency, and self-awareness.

He also told me that he did not resonate with the goals and reasons kids were in these programs. Most, if not all, his classmates were obsessively focused on getting into the BEST graduate schools. He felt it was mostly about status and getting the best grades—not learning.

As a parent, hearing this, it was a mixed bag of emotions and feelings:

1. I was so proud of him for his wisdom and for expressing his thoughts, despite his guilt for thinking this way.

2. I felt good that my wife and I created an environment where he felt safe to share all this with me.

3. I was so excited that he was tuned into his authentic self and was honoring that despite how much it went against the grain of the default path of success.

But there was also another voice. One that was quite loud screaming in the background:

I told him I appreciated that he shared all that with me, and that I understood why he was feeling that way. We decided to sit on it and discuss the options in a few days.

I immediately scurried over to my wife and told her what he told me!

“Can you believe this!?!” I frantically asked her. “What should we do?!?! We can’t possibly let him drop out and do homeschooling, can we?!?!”

My wife calmly looked at me and said, “Oh, I agree with him. If he is clear that that isn’t his path, he should drop out.”

“Uh… yeah. That’s what I was thinking, too.” I realized I was the only one who was freaking out.

Life is amazing. I have been living, teaching, and coaching people to live their most authentic lives, trust themselves, and follow that inner voice.

Now here I am with a 15-year-old son asking ME if I’d support him to do EXACTLY that, and I’m second guessing it—WILD!

This is the famous crossroad that so many people face during their lifetime:

• Do I trust myself?

• Can I trust myself?

• Is it safe to follow what I innately feel is best for myself?

• Do I choose the safe path that everyone tells me I SHOULD take?

Security vs. Meaning

American Philosopher Agnes Callard distinguishes between an aspirational journey vs. an ambitious journey.

She defines aspiration as a slow process of “trying on the values we hope to one day possess.”

As opposed to an ambitious journey where we already know what we value. If the goal is to make a lot of money, then the value has been defined as money. Choices are then made based on maximizing that value.

An aspirational journey, however, is more about the discovery of values.

This makes it a much more bumpy ride. To sustain this journey, you must be ok with the ambiguity of things and remain open to discovering yourself.

An additional challenge is when you opt out of the default path, the masses will question you regularly:

• "What are you doing?”

• “What are your plans?”

• "How are you going to make a living?"

• "Why don't you just go back to school or get a stable job?"

An ambitious journey that has the values predetermined is a safer route.

An aspirational journey may not be the most predictable and, therefore, “safe” life, but it will lead to a more meaningful one.

In no way am I saying that an aspirational journey is easy. It is challenging. But as author Sebastian Junger observed when reporting on dangerous and demanding occupations, including infantry combat,

The real pain most people suffer today is being disconnected from themselves and their calling. The hardships you will face on your aspirational journey of discovery will be worth it.

As Victor Frankl shares in his book, "Man's Search for Meaning,"

If you take away someone's WHY, give them food, water, and shelter to survive, then you’ll create the Walking Dead.

Only time will tell how mine and my son’s journeys unfold.

My son did end up dropping out of the College curriculum and is currently being homeschooled along with his 9 year old sister. He hand selected all of his classes by selecting topics he was genuinely interested in. These classes include:

• Intro to Philosophy

• Understanding Financial Markets

• Intro to Artificial Intelligence

• Blockchain Course

• Copyrighting & Creative Writing Courses

Just a few weeks ago, while driving him home from his Martial Arts Training one Thursday night, he said, "I'm so excited for tomorrow!"

I said, "Oh nice, what's happening tomorrow?" I figured it was a TGIF kind of excitement.

He said, "Oh, nothing. It's just another day!"

That is precisely what I wish for myself, my family, and you. To be excited to live every day as yourself. As Oscar Wilde famously said,

Some Actionable Steps To Get Started

If you’re not sure where to start in pursuing a fulfilling life, start with this simple 4 step process:

4 STEP PROCESS

1. Connect: Create time every day to CONNECT to yourself. Attempt to connect to your true self - the self that lives deep inside you. The one that may have been buried underneath all the things you have been told you need or should be doing.

2. Play: Find 10-20 minutes every day to explore the things that you love or find interesting.

3. Share: Find other people that share the same interests and share with them

4. Patience & Trust: Be patient and embrace the exploration into ambiguity and the journey to self-discovery. Trust the impulse and be ok with being unable to explain it to people.

Yours in Vitality,

Matt

Two Helpful Resources to Check Out

1. My article, "Living a Fulfilling Life: Breaking Free from the Success Formula," gives you a blueprint for designing your life's path.

2. Read Paul Millerd's book, "The Pathless Path." It’s an incredible book that echoes much of what I've experienced and been sharing for the last 25 years.

3. Alex Hormozi Video “College or No College" - a great breakdown of the pro’s and con’s of the two paths.